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Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

A guy I sold a condo to not long ago was kind enough to send me a holiday video he set up. My clients are the best. The lengths they go are amazing.

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The Listingbook Program allows consumers to search for a home online for free on a platform that is far more in depth and comprehensive than Realtor.com or a broker’s typical website. Registration is free, your information is confidential, and the results are fantastic.

Listing Book

Listing Book

Some features of the program include:

  • Customizable search, including bookmarking and rejecting specific properties
  • Morning updates delivered via email daily as new listings become available, putting you on top of the market
  • Personal notes on properties and the ability to send messages to your agent on each home
  • Change criteria quickly and easily
  • Database is updated twice an hour, not once daily!
  • Price change alert on bookmarked properties
  • Much more

Nothing can replace a good agent, but having this kind of technology at your fingertips will make the process far more efficient. Fewer homes will be “missed out on,” more homes will fit your search, and you’ll be able to be far more specific in your criteria. Not only that, you can instant message and email your agent from the site in real time.

All your information is confidential and safe. You’ll never be spammed or solicited from 3rd parties for registering your search on the site. This is truly real estate 2.0.

Right now the database is for the Westchester-Putnam MLS system only, which includes Westchester and Putnam Counties, as well as the Bronx and Dutchess County.

If you want to search Long Island (Queens, Nassau & Suffolk Counties), click here.

If you want to search Connecticut, email me and I can get you the link.

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10. Abbreviate.  This is especially useful when you have the room to write more in your remarks but you still feel the need to call a living room an LR and a master suite a mstr ste. It really makes for easy reading when each sntce has mltple abbrvtns. Way to sell!

9. Misspell.Nothing builds your credibility like refridgerator, especially when the error lasts 4 months and your MLS has spell check. And while I’m at it, thanks for keeping that picture of the house under a foot of snow. It’s September; my clients were curious as to what the place looks like in the winter. 

8. Voicemail is for selling yourself! That 45 second sales pitch about your  commitment to excellence and your website URL, complete with spelling, enriches my day when I need to leave you a message. You’ll always get bonus points for repeating the whole spiel in Lithuanian. 

7. Who needs square footage? “0” works for me. “2000” or “1450” only make for preconceived notions before a showing. Keep ’em guessing!

6. We really care what the taxes were in 2004.It keeps us on our toes to figure out your listings taxes by triangulating the last 4 school budgets and the rate of inflation. 

5. Keep your cell phone a state secret. Want the hot market to return? Act like it’s here already! The buyers will line up if you behave as if you are inundated and need insulation from the hordes looking for houses! So keep that cell number off the MLS printouts! Standing in the rain with no key in the lockbox builds character! 

4. Who needs email? I take dictation! When I am driving across town and am late for an appointment, it relaxes me to add writing your list of questions from yesterday’s home inspection to my multi-tasking. No need to email them so I have them saved on my hard drive; email is for spam, not business. 

3. Mascots and fertility build credibility. The public needs to know that you have a dog, a kitten, or children. Make sure you put them in all your advertising. Before people list with you, they want to know you have spawned, or at the very least have brought pet dander into their home. 

2. I love homework! Your client likes my listing but wants to know the setback rules for an addition they might want to build? Don’t call the building department silly, just call me! I’ll be happy to be the liason between your client’s idle curiosity and the grump at the building department. My clients are just as curious about building an addition. That’s why they’re selling! 

1. Just call me back whenever. We Americans are too fast-paced. My clients doesn’t need answers to their questions too fast. Let them wonder for a while before getting back to me. Quick follow up is overrated; play hard to get. It worked for my wife. 

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It may be hard for the MTV generation to believe this, but when I was a kid in the 70’s, the most risque things in my life included Mad Magazine, Don Imus in the morning on WNBC radio, and cassette tapes of George Carlin. I saw him live in Rochester in the 90’s and he had evolved from a whimsical observer to an edgier, more cynical comic. In both cases, he made me laugh. And even when you read about his heart surgery, he never seemed old.

In light of his passing, many are remembering their favorite routine or album, and mine will always be the Wonderful WINO bit and the Class Clown record. If a cassette could get a callous, our copy of Class Clown would have a huge one.

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America’s Finest News Source reports on yet another sector of the market in decline.

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